Warm and Tingly
by dorothywrites
Summary: CoG Spoiler kinda. Jace proves Alec wrong, Alec realizes what he gave up on, and tries to make amends. But after what he's done, can things go back to the way they were? Alec/Magnus. Don't own it, no affiliation with Cassandra Clare, etc. Slash.


**Spoilers:** CITY OF GLASS. Seriously. This picks up just after a cookie that Cassandra Clare posted.

**Warm and Tingly**

"Wha—What?" Alec nearly fell out of his chair.

Jace, serious as ever, said again "Kiss me. Right now."

Alec blinked several times and looked around. He wondered where the cameras were and if that guy from MTV would jump out and say "Gotcha!" at any moment. Then again, he wasn't a celebrity. He was just Alec Lightwood.

...And Jace Wayland had just instructed him to kiss him.

"I—I can't kiss you, Jace," he said, dropping Jace's hand and wondering if he had it in him to stand up and leave. _Walk away_, he told himself, _Just do it. If you kiss him, you'll regret it later._

"See, now, that hurts my feelings," Jace said, looking at him with his golden eyes. "You use me as your excuse to get out of what had potential to be a very _interesting_ and _useful_ relationship, which may have completely screwed up our connections to the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and then you won't even kiss me. I'm hurt, Alec Lightwood."

His tone was slightly mocking, but Alec wasn't going to take the bait.

"You... You don't want me to kiss you, Jace, you just think you'll be able to prove a point."

"A point you don't want me to prove."

"There's nothing to prove!" Alec threw up his hands, frustrated, and stood.

He turned away and then heard Jace's chair move as he stood.

"You aren't in love with me, Alec."

Alec closed his eyes, deciding that the black was a better thing to stare at than the walls.

"Alec," he felt Jace's hand on his shoulder. "You know you're not in love with me."

He spun around and opened his eyes so quickly that he almost lost his balance.

"You don't know the first thing about how I feel!" He shouted without taking into account the fact that Jace was only about six inches away from him.

"But I know you," Jace said, "And I know you're just hiding behind excuses to be safe."

"And I know you. I know that you're just trying to make me angry at you. You're trying to push everyone away, Jace, and I have no idea why, but, by the Angel, I'm going to figure it out!"

"_I'm_ trying to push everyone away? Look in a mirror, Alec! Magnus was in love with you and you told him whatever excuse you came up with because you were afraid!"

"And you practically ripped Clary's heart out and fed it to a demon. I think you take the cake!" He regretted it as soon as he had said it, but not as much as he knew Jace regretted what he had said to Clary. He saw that regret flash in Jace's eyes and then he realized that neither of them were breathing.

"Jace, I'm--"

"Don't."

"No, I shouldn't have—Mmmff!"

Jace kissed Alec, full on the mouth, and Alec struggled slightly for a moment before remembering that Jace was still stronger than him. No surprise.

The surprise came when he realized that the kiss was nothing like he imagined it would have been. He had seen Jace kiss Clary once, seen the way Jace looked at her, and wished that he could have _been_ her. But now... No. It didn't feel right.

Oh.

He pulled away from Jace, who let himself be pushed away with a gentle force.

Turning away, he felt nothing. No spark, no deep connection, no warm-and-tingliness that he had expected he'd feel if he ever had the chance...

He heard the door to the room open, and then close, and he turned around. Jace was gone. He had known he was right. At least he had been kind enough not to gloat this time.

Alec made his way back over to the chair and sank into it, trying to think but feeling as though his brain had simply shut itself off.

_What have I done?_ He asked himself this question over and over again, trying to figure out how he had led himself to believe so fully that he was in love with Jace. Yes, they were close. Like brothers... But he and Clary _were_ siblings and Jace clearly loved her as much more than a sister.

Alec shook his head, stood up, and was halfway across the city before he realized where he was going. And even after he noticed the direction he was heading, he kept going, because now he knew what he needed to do.

A party. There was a party going on inside.

Alec stood outside, staring at the building and the line of motorcycles parked along the street.

"_You should go,"_ said a voice somewhere in the back of his mind. _"You told him you were done with him. You can't go back on that now."_

Ignoring this voice, Alec climbed the stairs and, after what seemed like decades, found himself standing directly in front of the door. He was about to raise his hand to knock (he didn't want to ring the doorbell... This way, if no one heard him, he could at least tell himself he had tried) when the door opened.

"Alec." Magnus looked confused as music blasted from behind him.

"I... I need to talk to you," he said, and then he held his breath.

For a moment, Alec almost expected Magnus to slam the door in his face. For a moment, it seemed like Magnus was considering it. But then Magnus stepped aside, without any gesture, and Alec entered. He stood perfectly still as Magnus closed the door, just as he had the first time he had come to him.

He had been so nervous that day, just a few days after they first met. "Call me" had been Magnus's last words to Alec as he left the party, and then Isabelle had said she had thought that maybe he and Magnus could be "friends." He had told everyone he was going for a walk to clear his mind... He had ended up at the Warlock's door. Alec knocked a few times and then Magnus had called out a loud "Who is it?" as he approached the door.

He remembered thinking that he should turn and run away, the best option by far, but instead he had said his own name. "Ah, Shadowhunter... The blonde? Or blue eyes?" had come from the other side of the door, but before he could answer, the door opened and Magnus had leaned against the frame and said, "Hello there, blue eyes." He smirked and said "I hoped you'd visit."

Now Alec stood there again, not quite as naïve has he had been, but just as nervous. He followed Magnus closely, even though this time he knew where he was being lead, and stopped outside of the bedroom when Magnus entered it. The Warlock turned around, looking slightly impatient, and waved his hand in a gesture to invite Alec into the room, his bracelets clanging together as he did so.

Alec took a step into the room and then Magnus closed the door, muttering something about it being much quieter in the room.

"If you could make this quick," Magnus said, not looking at Alec, "I have a party downstairs and I'd prefer that none of my guests turn into rats without me being there to take pleasure in watching."

Alec swallowed hard, trying to muster up the confidence to say what he needed to say. It was a matter of mustering up the confidence _and_ breaking down his pride... That was the hardest part. Shadowhunters were too proud to admit that they were wrong.

"Magnus," he said, looking at him with pleading eyes, "Will you look at me for just a minute?"

Magnus, with great reluctance, raised his eyes to meet Alec's. Alec could see veiled pain in his eyes, surrounded by brightly colored paint and glitter to take attention away from the hurt that was reflected in the hazel.

"I'm sorry," Alec said, taking a hesitant step toward Magnus.

"Alec--"

"No, Magnus, I mean it. I was wrong," he said, cutting off the Warlock's reply. "You were right. I... I was just afraid."

"Alec, it's fine. There's no need to rehash any of this."

"But there is!" Alec pleaded, reaching out hesitantly and taking Magnus's hand. "Look, I know you probably don't want me here and... And I'll understand if you won't forgive me, but let me just get this out. You're the one who told me I needed to talk about it... So--So give me a chance to."

Magnus, who had looked away several moments ago, looked back at Alec and nodded reluctantly.

"Will you sit?" Alec said, gently taking Magnus along with him over to the edge of the bed. He sat down awkwardly and then Magnus followed a moment later, taking a seat on the canary-colored comforter and looking down at his hand, held within Alec's own nervous palm.

Alec swallowed, looked at Magnus, and closed his eyes.

"Jace kissed me," he said quietly.

Magnus pulled his hand away and was about to get up, but Alec grabbed his arm to keep him seated.

"Let me talk, Magnus, please!" He looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Alec, I can't do this. You can't tell me about this--"

"Magnus, _he_ kissed _me_. To prove that I was wrong. About... To prove that I was wrong about what I thought I felt."

Magnus was stiff as he sat next to Alec, equally as awkward.

"What do you mean?" Magnus asked. "He kissed you for the fun of it? To see what it would _feel_ like?"

"No, no! He... He... I—I told him that there wasn't anything between you and me," Alec said, "And... He said it was a shame and that he hoped it wasn't because of him."

Magnus was silent.

"He said he didn't want me to give up what we could have because of what I thought I felt for him. I argued with him, told him that I didn't just think, I... Well... He told me to kiss him, but I—I said I couldn't do it," he said, sighing and looking down at his hands.

"And then we argued... And in the middle of it all, he kissed me. He just... Like you did, the first time..." He looked up at Magnus to see him staring back with a blank expression. "But... It didn't feel the way it did when you kissed me. There wasn't anything there, Magnus. And we both knew it. And you knew there wouldn't be. Because _you were right_." His tone was pleading, but Magnus remained stone-face.

"You were right, Magnus, and I know it's too late to take back what I said to you..." He paused, wanting some kind of reaction from the warlock, but when he got nothing, he continued "I don't think you're below me, Magnus. I think you're brilliant... You're—You're the most dedicated person I've ever met. And you were right... I don't know everything about you, and I doubt I ever will, but I want to know as much as I can."

He reached out for Magnus's hand again and Magnus let him hold it.

"I know you don't want to hear it, Magnus, but when he kissed me... I used to imagine it. And... That was something else you were right about. You said that the only reason I wanted him was because he was safe. He could protect me... But not only that, he's also a Shadowhunter, which would have meant that it was slightly better than—Than us."

Alec paused, searching for something in the eyes before him. Nothing.

"But you've protected me, too," he said quietly. "You saved my life. Twice... And I know that—That I said I wished you hadn't.. But I don't feel that way, I mean it. I—I was just angry. At the time, it felt like you were only telling me you had saved me to make me feel indebted to you... To make me stay. But I know that wasn't it, Magnus... I know that now. You did it because you cared about me... I just couldn't see it because I was so self-absorbed in my own problems."

Another pause, another searching glance, another blank stare...

"Damnit, Magnus, say something!" He said, his tone exasperated.

Magnus pulled his hand away and folded his hands in his lap. He stood slowly, said "I'll be back in a minute," and then walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Alec stared after him in wonder, unsure of what he was doing. Several minutes later, though Alec would have argued that it had been hours, Magnus returned, looking the same as he had ten minutes prior, but his eyes weren't quite as empty.

He waved his hand, sending the bench from his vanity to rest in front of Alec. He walked over and sat down on it, looking up at Alec, but not saying a word. Several moments passed before he spoke, but when he did, his voice was low and sounded as though it may break at any moment.

"Alec, I'm about three hundred years old. I've been with a lot of men." Alec nodded, wondering where this was going. "I've dated vampires, werewolves, fairies, other warlocks... I've never been with a Shadowhunter. I'd always told myself they were off limits."

Magnus paused, taking Alec's folded hands within his own.

"You've never been with anyone," he said, looking into Alec's blue eyes. "And that's not a bad thing by any means... But... I sometimes forget that you haven't had as much time to find yourself as I have. And when I think back on it, I realize how many people I thought I was in love with. I laugh at myself over them sometimes... The vampires especially, since sometimes one of them will show up at one of my parties without realizing that we were together a hundred years ago..." He shook his head. "I don't want to be one of those for you, Alec. I don't want to be one of those people you look back on and laugh about."

"You won't be--"

"I still want to be there for you to laugh _with_."

Alec was silent.

"I know I'm a lot to handle. I could rival the Seelie Queen for fey behavior," he chuckled. "And I know that it wouldn't be ideal for you to be with me... Do you think it's ideal for me to be with you? It's a two-way street, Alec... My friends... They'd be terrified if they knew I was with someone who could kill them for half of the things they do. Few people follow the Law anymore, Alec, and I don't keep company with many of the people who do. So for every person who would disapprove of us from your world, there are just as many from _my_ world who would do the same."

He tightened his grip on Alec's hands.

"And... Do you think it's easy for me? Do you think it was easy for me to see you go into the water? To have to make the choice between you and making sure that everyone else would be safe? Because honestly, Alec, I didn't know if I had the power to do both. That was just luck. But I chose you. Because I couldn't bear to watch you die... I've never had to do that before. No one I've loved has ever died while I've been with them. But you... You just keep trying to get yourself killed."

"I'm not trying--"

"I know you're not trying, but it seems like it! You go into these battles knowing full well that you're not strong enough—Don't give me that look, Alec, you told me yourself!" He let go of Alec's hands and stood up, walking over to the window and looking out between the bright curtains at the streetlights below.

They were silent for several moments and then Alec's voice broke the silence.

"You love me?"

Magnus turned around, eying Alec with a curious glance. "I thought that much was obvious."

"I—I didn't know. No one has ever... Well.. And I don't know what that feels like," Alec said, blushing and looking down at the floor. He twisted his hands together, his fingers cracking, and a moment later, a pair of brightly colored boots was in his line of vision. He looked up at Magnus.

Without a word, Magnus gently brought him to his feet, cupped his face in both his hands, and kissed him.

It was everything that his kiss with Jace wasn't, everything that Magnus always was. Gentle and firm at the same time... And, Alec thought as their lips parted and the kiss deepened, Magnus always tasted sweet, kind of like strawberries.

He put a hand on Magnus's waist and the other came up to hold the Warlock's hand against his face. Magnus let one hand slip down to Alec's neck and then shoulder, gently pushing him back onto the bed, which Alec leaned back onto without argue. It was slightly awkward as they adjusted onto the bed without breaking the kiss, but they managed.

And then Alec felt it. The warm-and-tingliness that was supposed to come from kissing someone. No, not _that_ kind of warm-and-tingly... Well, yes, that was part of it, but this was different.

Now that he wasn't thinking about Jace in the back of his mind, now that he was letting himself be entirely in the moment with Magnus, he could feel it. Magnus's fingers were gently tangling in his hair, making the hair on his neck stand on end, and his face felt warm where Magnus was touching his cheek.

This was what it felt like. This was it. _This wasn't what Jace was..._

Alec broke the kiss by slowly pulling away, still holding Magnus's hand against his face.

"Magnus," he said, closing his eyes and trying to catch his breath. He hadn't felt this breathless a few moments ago, and he wondered if it was from the kissing or his epiphany.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Magnus, who was looking at him with slight concern.

"I love you, too," Alec exhaled.

Magnus smiled at him and stroked his cheek.

"I'll bet," Magnus said, smiling playfully and lowering his face to within millimeters of Alec's, "that you don't love me enough to let me do your make-up."

"Maybe some other time," Alec said, cupping his hand behind Magnus's neck. "I can think of other things I'd like to do right now."

"Really?" Magnus said, drawing back and looking at his vanity. "Because I can't think of anyth—Mmf..."

--

Comments Love.


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